Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
