i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
