RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
