my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
