3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
