I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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