we have officially mastered the walk of shame
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
