Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
