i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize