there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
