i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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