Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
