Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
