You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
