It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
