Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
