There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize