I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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