I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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