She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Shame - the story of my life.
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