Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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