she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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