Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
