Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
