why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
