OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
