well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize