don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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