btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
