and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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