i already hear my dad disowning me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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