At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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