At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
