I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize