I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize