I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
