dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
