I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
