your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
