i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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