Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
