my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
