i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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