it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
