Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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