I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize