college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
