Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
