we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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