I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dicks are not precious.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
