haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
