Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
