Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
