Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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