She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
