Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
