Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
