Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The adults are the big ones right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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