First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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