im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
