Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
