he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
