even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
