So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
