so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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