im about as happy as oj after his trial
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
