the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize