where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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