Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
