my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
