i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
