she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
