Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
