Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
