I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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