I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
