just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drunk is a universal language darling
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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