it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
