Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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