Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
