Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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