is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
