Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you never un-have a 4some
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
