we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
