Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
