don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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