your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
