i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
