Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
