Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
