and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize