I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come share oat with me in your robe
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
