Three words: puerto rican gang bang
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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