This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
