Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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