Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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