You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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