Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
