Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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