She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize