Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
