Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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