you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
