she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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