oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
