Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
