I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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