She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
