the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
