I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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