highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
