He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize